


What Matters

by cosmic_llin



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Aging, Developing Relationship, Feelings, Friendship, Getting Back Together, Multi, Sexuality, Threesome - F/F/M, Turning Points
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 19:16:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14408781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmic_llin/pseuds/cosmic_llin
Summary: Between Enterprises, Beverly, Deanna and Will figure out what matters to them.This follows on fromBack to the Beginning.





	What Matters

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ericine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ericine/gifts).



Beverly has lunch with Alyssa at least a couple of times a week. Alyssa’s staying with her parents, taking some time to be with her family and raise her baby. The baby is apparently a huge hit with Alyssa’s parents and siblings and sometimes she can’t manage to pry him away from his grandparents to bring him to lunch, but today he’s made it, and he’s crying. While Alyssa whispers soothing words and unties the ribbon fastening her top so that he can nurse, Beverly lets her thoughts drift to Jean-Luc.

He’s somewhere on Earth, she’s fairly sure. Close enough that she could beam right to him, if he would only let her know. She could be there for him. 

Maybe he’s even in France, but she hates the thought of it, him torturing himself walking the vineyards he can’t tend properly all by himself, in the shadow of the house that burned with his family inside. She hopes instead he’s in some forgotten archaeology museum or something, pouring his feelings into brushing dirt off old pottery in painstaking tiny strokes.

She sends the occasional message but he never replies. If he doesn’t come back, they’ll probably give Will the Enterprise. She’s not sure how she’d feel about that.

‘Penny for your thoughts?’ asks Alyssa, who’s got the baby nursing happily.

Beverly jumps.

‘Sorry!’ Alyssa says, with a fond smile.

‘Just… wondering where the captain is,’ Beverly says.

‘You still haven’t heard anything, then?’

Beverly shakes her head.

‘Want to talk about it?’

She shakes her head again. She’ll keep this pain close, won’t dilute it by talking about it. Deanna might have something to say about that, but Alyssa accepts it.

‘How are the plans for your new Sickbay shaping up?’ she asks instead, because she knows that will get Beverly talking.

* * *

Deanna’s new student is starting this afternoon. She’s a first-year cadet, a Trill. She’s going to spend three months shadowing Deanna - not when she’s with clients, it’s a little early for that, but in the rest of her day-to-day work. She arrives at Deanna’s office three minutes early in a uniform so crisp it almost doesn’t look real.

‘Cadet Tigan?’ Deanna asks.

‘That’s me!’ the cadet says, and she smiles and offers Deanna her hand.

Deanna’s empathic sense is a little dull this morning - she’s probably just tired - but to her other senses Ezri seems promising. Her stance is confident, her gaze is direct but friendly, her voice clear and steady, and she’s respectful but not too overawed. They sit and talk about Ezri’s career goals and what she hopes to achieve in the next three months, and she’s full of ideas and enthusiasm.

‘What made you want to be a counselor in Starfleet?’ Deanna asks.

Ezri pauses, smiles. ‘There are a lot of reasons,’ she says. ‘I want to help people. I’m interested in the ways minds work. People tell me I give good advice. And honestly, it has at least something to do with the therapist I had back on New Sydney, where I grew up. She helped me to learn a lot about myself, and it really changed things for me. I think it would be a privilege to be able to do that for someone, even for just one person. And as for Starfleet itself… I won’t deny that it’s partly because I wanted a fresh start, but I also love the idea of exploring, seeing new things.’

Deanna smiles at her. ‘Those sound like some good reasons,’ she says.

They’re not that far from her own reasons, half a lifetime ago. She wonders what Ezri could want a fresh start from, what the perky smile and the efficient manner are hiding. For Deanna it was the crushing weight of family expectations, a home that didn’t feel entirely like home, things she was supposed to do with her life that she couldn’t make herself want. Maybe for Ezri it’s similar. She’ll have to keep wondering - it’s not as if it’s any of her business. But she finds herself hoping that Ezri will do well.

And then she realises that her vision is blurring a little, and her head feels funny.

‘Commander Troi?’ Ezri’s voice says. It sounds like she’s a long way away. 

‘I’m all right…’ says Deanna, but the world sways around her for a moment before righting itself. Ezri touches her hand and Deanna takes it and holds on for a moment.

After that she has a glass of water and feels better, but all afternoon there’s something peculiar, like an itch under her skin, like a heat along her nerves, like a buzzing in her head. She’s afraid she knows what it is.

* * *

Will can’t remember quite how he started hanging out with Leah Brahms. She’s stationed at Utopia Planitia permanently, and she’s overseeing the engineering teams working on the Enterprise E. When they first arrived, they had a lot of meetings together about the E’s design and construction, and at some point they just started heading to the bar after late-afternoon meetings.

Something about her reminds him a little of Tasha - something in her sense of humour, her straightforwardness, the way she can be so serious one moment and laughing the next. For some reason he’s thinking about Tasha a lot lately.

Leah can give him a run for his money when it comes to telling funny anecdotes, and some nights their shared table is surrounded by folks listening in on their banter, but this evening it’s just them. They’ve been working their way gradually down the cocktail menu and tonight they’ve reached an interesting bright pink drink called a Moba Mule.

When it’s the two of them, they can never go for very long without talking shop - Leah’s involved in every aspect of the E’s creation, and Will’s slowly falling in love with the ship in spite of himself.

‘The head of the interiors team told me today that you’re getting your own office,’ says Leah. ‘Official first officer’s ready room, attached to the bridge.’

Will grins. ‘Cushy. I’m not sure I’ll use it though. I like to be right where the action is.’

‘You never envied Captain Picard’s ready room?’

‘Not the ready room, no.’

‘The big chair, then?’

Will takes a drink so that he doesn’t have to respond to that.

‘You know, a lot of first officers would have taken this as an opportunity to transition to their own command,’ says Leah. ‘There’s even talk of them giving the Enterprise to you, if Captain Picard decides not to come back.’

‘Let’s talk about something else?’ he says.

‘All right,’ she says easily. ‘Want to hear the day’s complaints about junior engineers who don’t know how to follow the manual?’

‘Always.’

* * *

Will’s been out with Leah, and Beverly was working late back on Earth, so Deanna spends the early part of the evening pacing around her quarters, waiting for them to come back. They show up at more or less the same time, and she forces herself to give them time to settle in a little before she starts the conversation.

Once they’re both sitting and relaxing, she takes a deep breath.

‘There’s something I need to discuss with you both,’ she says. ‘It’s nothing dangerous or bad, but it is significant.’

They shuffle apart on the sofa to make space for her between them.

‘Sit,’ says Beverly. ‘Tell us.’

She takes each of their hands, enjoys the sensation of their shoulders against hers. ‘I’m entering the Phase,’ she says.

‘Are you sure?’ asks Beverly. ‘Isn’t this a few years early?’

Deanna shrugs. ‘It’s always been difficult to predict what effect my half-human biology will have on these things. But I’m pretty sure.’

‘How can we help?’ Will asks.

‘You both know,’ Deanna says, ‘that for the next little while my sex drive will increase dramatically. I know we’re all still figuring out exactly what this is, and I don’t want either of you to feel as though you have to…’

‘Keep up?’ Beverly asks.

Deanna laughs. ‘Sort of?’ she says. ‘What I mean is, we’ve none of us made any kind of formal commitment to each other, and this is my problem, not yours. Just because I’m entering the Phase, it doesn’t mean that you’re obliged to do anything about it. I don’t want either of you to feel pressured to have sex when I want it, and I’m afraid that in the next few weeks, while the Phase is at its peak, that could happen. Especially as it will probably affect my empathic powers and my ability to know what you want in the moment. So… I’m prepared to go home to Betazed and spend some time dealing with this in my own way.’

She waits. She’s aware of Will and Beverly exchanging a look over her head. She senses the accord between them.

‘Don’t go to Betazed,’ says Will. ‘We’ll figure out how to handle this, between the three of us.’

‘If that’s what you want,’ adds Beverly.

Their sincerity, their love for her, wraps her like a blanket. She sighs and slides into Beverly’s arms, her feet across Will’s lap. ‘I hoped you’d say that,’ she admits.

* * *

Deanna insists on hammering out the details properly, making everyone’s roles clear now to prepare for later. They write it down, so nobody forgets.

For the next few weeks, however long it takes for this first and most potent stage of the Phase to abate, Will and Beverly will take care of Deanna’s sexual needs to the best of their ability. 

They’re going to be extra-careful about verbal consent and checking in - they know each other so well that it’s usually easy to read each other’s hints and unspoken requests, and none of them is shy about speaking up when they’re not comfortable, but until further notice Deanna insists on a rigorous system of explicit consent on all sides, plus check-ins every few minutes.

‘As long as we stay on top of things,’ she says - Will grins at her choice of words and she rolls her eyes at him - ‘then impaired judgement shouldn’t be an issue. If I’m having regular partnered orgasms then I should be able to avoid most of the potential problems that can accompany the Phase. But I still want us to be careful, and if either of you think there’s a problem, please say something right away.’

‘Deanna,’ says Beverly, ‘don’t worry.’

‘We’ll take care of you,’ says Will.

* * *

‘I hope you’re feeling better, after yesterday?’ Ezri asks.

She’s already in Deanna’s office when she arrives, and she must have noted Deanna’s morning tea order yesterday because there’s a cup already on her desk.

‘Much, thank you,’ says Deanna. ‘Nothing to worry about.’

Deanna has appointments all day so she gives Ezri some paperwork to do, thinking it might keep her going for a day or two. By the time they break for lunch, Ezri has finished it.

‘Don’t feel as though you have to assign me more work if you’re too busy,’ she says, as they line up together for the communal replicator at the food court overlooking the hangars. ‘I can do some reading, or my own research.’

Deanna laughs. ‘Enjoy this while it lasts,’ she says. ‘Over the next few years you’ll have more work than you know what to do with. But as a matter of fact, I might need a little extra help over the next few weeks. Just with the day-to-day running of the office. Judging by today’s example, I think you can handle it.’

‘I’ll be glad to help in any way I can,’ says Ezri, and when Deanna smiles gratefully at her she thinks Ezri stands a little taller.

* * *

Beverly has to get up at the crack of dawn most days to get to Earth for work, so it’s usually Will who stays in bed with Deanna in the mornings, waking a little earlier than usual so that he can help her prepare for the day. Some days he wants his own release, but on the days he doesn’t, he strokes, kisses, licks her to orgasm at least once or twice, and after that she feels enough like herself to go to work.

(The station’s personnel department is aware of the situation, and Beverly is monitoring her, ready to recommend time off if she needs it, but the routine they’ve established really is helping her to keep her head on straight.)

This morning, though, Beverly is getting up late for once. The broader structural elements of the E’s construction are well under way, and now they’re planning the layout of the rooms and corridors, and working out what facilities will be needed by the various departments. Today’s meeting concerns all of the science facilities, including Sickbay, so Beverly’s staying here on Utopia Planitia instead of commuting to Earth.

That means a comparatively leisurely morning for the three of them - Will more or less sets his own hours at the moment and Deanna doesn’t have any early appointments, so they wake slowly, with time for sleepy kisses and caresses and an orgasm each. 

They linger long enough that Beverly doesn’t have time for breakfast before the meeting, and there are a couple of dozen designers, project managers and other experts clustering around the buffet table at the back of the room when she gets there. They’re just standing and talking, blocking her path to the tower of pastries. She doesn’t want to interrupt them and get dragged into their conversation about ceiling heights before she’s even had a chance to finish waking up properly, so she slides her arm stealthily through a narrow gap, grabs for whatever she can reach, and comes back with something sticky and raisin-filled. It’ll do.

On the other side of the table, next to the coffee, a tall, dark-haired Trill woman spots her and winks. Beverly blushes and ducks her head, retreats to a seat at the conference table, and a moment later the Trill joins her and hands her a cup of coffee.

‘I think you deserve this,’ she says. ‘That was impressive.’

Beverly laughs, tears her pastry in two and hands one half to the Trill woman, who accepts it.

‘Jadzia Dax,’ she says. ‘Of DS9. I’d shake hands but now I’m holding this pastry.’

‘Beverly Crusher.’

‘I was sorry to hear about the Enterprise D. How are you all holding up?’

‘Oh, not too bad,’ says Beverly automatically. ‘At least we all made it out, and I’m looking forward to working on the E.’

Jadzia smiles sympathetically. ‘Looks like she’s going to be a beauty,’ she says. ‘I’m here consulting on the design of the science labs - I had to make a lot of modifications to the old Cardassian labs on the station and Chief O’Brien and I came up with some pretty innovative solutions that they’d like to incorporate.’

‘How is Miles?’ Beverly asks. ‘And Keiko and Molly?’

They talk for a while about the friends they have in common, and then the meeting begins. Jadzia makes a presentation about her proposals for the science labs - she’s a compelling speaker, and she has the room in the palm of her hand. Beverly decides she likes her a lot.

* * *

Will’s working in one of the communal areas when Leah appears.

‘Hey,’ she says.

‘Hey!’ he replies. ‘What’s up?’

‘All of the designers and a ton of the technicians are at the meeting today,’ she says.

‘...yes?’

‘So… the ship’s all quiet. Nobody’s around. And the first few decks just got cleared for general foot traffic by authorised personnel.’

Will whistles. ‘We can visit her?’

Leah nods. ‘I just got word this morning.’

He’s seen the schematics, he’s observed the construction from the observation deck and from a work bee, close up, but he hasn’t yet actually been inside the new Enterprise.

‘Hardly anyone’s been in yet,’ says Leah. ‘Just a couple of the construction teams. I know it’s silly but… let’s explore? Before it gets busy?’

Will’s already putting his PADD away and getting up.

The ship, when they arrive, feels eerily quiet and unfinished. The corridors aren’t carpeted yet, and their footsteps echo on the bare panels. Main Engineering hasn’t been cleared to visit yet, but Leah takes them to a spot where they can look at the bare warp core casing, ready to be brought to life.

‘Isn’t it beautiful?’ she asks, starry-eyed.

Will doesn’t totally get it, but he makes a noise of agreement. Leah laughs.

‘I know, I know, you want to see the bridge,’ she says.

And suddenly Will’s not sure he does, but he lets her lead him there anyway, and as they step out of the turbolift his heart contracts. The bridge is more finished than the rest of the ship so far - the chairs and consoles are in place already, the essential shape of things is there. It’s nothing like the Enterprise D to look at, but it feels a little like it somehow.

He looks at the three chairs at the centre of the room - his, Deanna’s and the captain’s. If the captain comes back.

Of course he will. And Will will sit there, at his right hand, like it’s supposed to be.

‘Want to try it out?’ Leah asks, gesturing to the central chairs.

He shakes his head. ‘No. Not yet. There’s plenty of time for that.’

‘All right,’ she says. He can tell she doesn’t quite get it, but she doesn’t push the issue.

* * *

‘So, do you often get the chance to go back to Trill?’ Beverly asks.

The day’s been long. The usual story - people taking twenty minutes to say what could be said in five, questions that are more like rambling monologues, technicians and designers talking at cross purposes. Beverly and Jadzia have fallen into an easy friendship based on subtle eyerolling across the room, and now they’re sharing a quick dinner at one of the station’s restaurants.

Jadzia tenses a little. ‘Not exactly,’ she says, and tries to smooth it with a smile.

‘We can talk about something else…’ Beverly offers.

Jadzia shakes her head. ‘No. It’s all right. It’s just kind of a sensitive topic right now. I was supposed to go back home for my zhian’tara but I didn’t, they had to send someone out to me in the end.’

‘Zhian’tara?’ Beverly asks.

‘It’s a rite of passage for joined Trill,’ Jadzia explains. ‘Our family and friends embody our past hosts, so that we can interact with them and know ourselves better through them.’

The idea almost makes Beverly shudder. She can’t imagine wanting to revisit any of her past selves that way. She almost never thinks about her childhood any more.

‘Do you have to do it?’ she asks.

Jadzia laughs. ‘I guess so?’ she says. ‘I never heard of anyone actually refusing. You’re supposed to _want_ to do it.’

‘But you didn’t?’

‘I wasn’t exactly jumping at the chance.’

‘I can understand that. It sounds like an uncomfortable experience.’

Odan must have had a zhian’tara, Beverly thinks, not long after they parted. Would they have counted Will as one of the hosts? Would they have talked about her, what happened between them? She’s not sure what she wants the answer to be. She’s not sure if she wants Odan still to be missing her, or if she’d rather have been all but forgotten by now. Does it even matter?

She imagines someone else, one of Odan’s Trill friends, walking around acting like they were Will Riker. It makes her almost angry on his behalf, that there’s a piece of him he can never have back. But then, perhaps he’s already come to terms with that in his own way. Maybe, with the knowledge he shared with Odan, he always knew that might happen. 

Perhaps something like a zhian’tara would have helped her, she thinks, if she could have stepped outside of herself, talked to the part of her that loved Odan without all the feelings getting in the way. Even all these years later, it feels as though it happened too fast for her to understand it, and for a long time afterwards it had hurt too much to think about clearly.

She thinks about Odan now, experimentally. Thinks of things he whispered in her ear, ways he touched her, ways he made her feel.

She’s been trying so hard to avoid this. To pretend that Odan isn’t the small, silent presence that makes her wary of what she has with Deanna and Will, makes her a little afraid, even now, of being with them.

But thinking about him doesn’t hurt as much as she imagined it would. She looks at the memories, head on, and it just feels… wistful? Nostalgic? Like a limb that was once broken but now just aches a little on cold nights. How strange.

‘Beverly?’ says Jadzia softly, and Beverly realises she’s been staring into space with her fork halfway to her mouth.

‘Sorry!’ she says. ‘Just… thinking.’

Jadzia smiles and takes a bite of her pie.

‘Did it help in the end, though, your zhian’tara?’ Beverly asks.

‘It helped a lot, in some ways,’ Jadzia says, with a shrug. ‘In other ways, it just gave me more questions. It’s supposed to be a rite of closure, a way to come to terms with your past selves and feel ready to move forward in your new life.’

‘And?’ asks Beverly.

‘Maybe for some people it works that way. All I know is... some of the things left over from my previous lives will never really be dealt with. There are things that are always going to feel unfinished, relationships I can never go back and put right, mistakes I can never unmake. A zhian’tara can’t fix that.’

‘Maybe it shouldn’t have to,’ says Beverly. ‘Maybe it’s enough that you learn something about yourself that helps you in the future.’

‘I guess that’s just part of being a joined Trill,’ says Jadzia. ‘The longer you live, the more experiences and relationships you have, the more complicated everything gets. And all you can ever really do is figure out what matters to you and hold onto that, even if it doesn’t look how you pictured your life going.’

Beverly nods thoughtfully. ‘I know what you mean,’ she says.

* * *

Her conversation with Jadzia has shaken something loose that she hadn’t realised was still there. She comes home that evening full of a serenity that reaches from her heart to the tips of her fingers and hair.

It must show on her face, because the first thing Will asks when she comes in is a teasing: ‘What happened to you?’

Beverly smiles. ‘Something good, I think. We should talk about it more in a few weeks, when Deanna’s not thinking with her libido, but… I think it’s something good.’

Deanna herself emerges from the bedroom, in a loose shift - at the moment she can only tolerate her uniform for the exact amount of time she’s out in public.

‘Beverly!’ she says. ‘I missed you!’

It feels so sweet to hear her say that, to see the way her eyes light up. Deanna winks and retreats back to the bedroom, and Beverly follows her eagerly. She joins Deanna on the bed, lying on her side to face her, and walks her fingers slowly up from Deanna’s knee to her hip. She smiles at the hunger in her eyes.

This feels right. She’s in the right place, at the right time, with the right people.

‘Shall I kiss you now?’ Beverly asks.

‘Please, yes,’ says Deanna, and Beverly pulls her close, wraps them together, kisses her so gently that Deanna sighs and leans into her, pulls her closer, kisses her harder. Beverly’s hands wander over slick silk, tangle in Deanna’s hair, dance patterns over soft skin. Deanna’s breath is warm when they pull apart for air. She traces a finger over Beverly’s swollen lips, and Beverly takes it into her mouth and sucks it for a moment, then takes Deanna’s hand, turns it over and kisses the inside of her wrist, just softly.

Deanna’s eyes meet hers, and Beverly feels intensely, comfortingly known.

‘Room for one more?’ Will jokes.

He’s leaning in the doorway, grinning at them.

‘I don’t know,’ says Beverly. ‘Maybe we should just make you watch.’

His grin is wide. ‘That wouldn’t be so bad,’ he says.

But Beverly wants him, suddenly, wants them all to do this together.

‘Get over here,’ she says. ‘Deanna, is it all right if Will joins in?’

‘Yes,’ Deanna breathes.

So he does. With Deanna between them, Beverly and Will each take one of her nipples in their mouths, close enough to each other that Will’s beard tickles Beverly’s cheek, and as she swirls her tongue and sucks, she can tell he’s doing the same. Deanna laughs helplessly and writhes beneath them, and when she gasps a soft ‘oh, too much!’, Beverly and Will pull back in unison, and Will turns to Beverly and kisses her, with Deanna’s ribcage shuddering just beneath them.

Deanna makes a satisfied noise, watching them, and Beverly kisses Will harder, and a feeling blossoms in her, a knowledge of what she wants.

Things are still so new between them, and although she’s always an enthusiastic participant, she does have a tendency to let Deanna and Will take the lead, to suggest things, to interpret her needs. But right now she knows exactly what she wants, and she decides that it’s time to ask for it.

‘I have a fun idea,’ she says, half into Will’s mouth. 

‘Go on,’ says Will, pulling away a little.

‘Deanna,’ she says, ‘how would you like for me to go down on you while Will is inside me?’

‘I’d love it,’ says Deanna, her eyes sparkling.

‘Will?’ asks Beverly.

‘Nothing I’d rather do,’ he says.

Deanna slides up the bed a little to make space, and Beverly leans down on her elbows, licks and kisses the insides of Deanna’s thighs, spirals her tongue teasingly across hot skin. Behind her, Will runs a thumb across Beverly’s clit and she tenses, sighing with pleasure. For a few minutes he just touches her, strokes her, and she does the same to Deanna.

‘I’m ready,’ she says. ‘Will…’

He takes his time guiding himself into her, and they adjust themselves for a minute, making sure that everyone can reach everything they want to touch. Beverly smiles at the sensation of his length filling her, and as he begins to thrust, she leans in and tastes Deanna.

Every time Will thrusts into her, it pushes her face against Deanna’s cunt, burying her in Deanna’s scent. She has always felt so safe between them but this is something else too, something almost unimaginably good, the feel of Will’s hands against her hips, his breath loud and ragged above her, his legs on either side of hers, keeping her together, and Deanna, Deanna’s knees either side of her shoulders, Deanna’s wetness on her lips. The way they all move together, like a dance they’re all teaching each other, its rhythm all the more satisfying for its complication. Beverly does the things she knows Deanna loves, and feels proud of the sounds she draws from her.

‘Everyone doing ok?’ Will asks.

Beverly makes a muffled affirmative, and Deanna laughs at the vibration.

‘Just fine,’ Deanna says herself, tangling her fingers in Beverly’s hair, hitching her hips up to meet Beverly’s tongue. Beverly hears her breathing harder, and then she gasps out, ‘Oh, Beverly, yes, just…’

And Beverly can hardly keep hold of what she’s doing with all this exquisite friction, but she redoubles her efforts, and Will speeds his motion, and Deanna comes first, like she always does at the moment, her whole body tightening around Beverly. And then Deanna slides down a little, legs spread either side of Beverly, so that she can reach to kiss her, and then someone moves wrong somehow and something gives way and suddenly they’re all lying in a heap, but Will keeps hold of her, finds his rhythm again, and in a knot of limbs, hands and mouths on her, Deanna’s hair in her face, Beverly finds her release, and a moment later dimly recognises that Will does too.

For a few minutes they just lie there in a sticky tangle, catching their breath. Beverly can’t stop smiling.

* * *

‘Good night last night?’ Alyssa teases.

‘Hmm?’ Beverly wakes from her reverie to find Alyssa looking at her across their lunch table, eyebrows raised.

‘I said, did you have a good night last night?’

Beverly knows she’s opening and closing her mouth like a fish, but she can’t seem to stop.

‘... with Deanna and Commander Riker?’ Alyssa prompts.

‘I…’ 

‘You said the three of you might go to the holosuite,’ Alyssa says, but she’s grinning knowingly.

‘As a matter of fact,’ says Beverly, ‘we _did_ have a good night. Terrific, actually. And actually we’re kind of… together.’

Alyssa makes a delighted squeak. ‘I knew it!’

Beverly can feel the blush starting. ‘Is it obvious? Are people talking?’

‘It’s obvious to me, because you’re my friend,’ says Alyssa. ‘But no, nobody’s talking. Not that I’ve heard, anyway. But who cares if they did? You seem really happy.’

‘You know what?’ says Beverly. ‘I am pretty happy. Not about everything, but about this.’

‘Good,’ says Alyssa. ‘You deserve to be.’

‘You know what?’ says Beverly. ‘You’re right. I do deserve it. Let’s order some dessert to celebrate.’

‘You’ll get no argument from me,’ says Alyssa, and opens the menu.

* * *

The longer Deanna works with Ezri, the more impressed she is by her. She has a quick mind, a razor-sharp wit that’s tempered by kindness, and she’s not afraid to work hard. There’s something about her that’s almost a little too eager, a little too desperate to impress, but Deanna couldn’t in a million years fault her for that.

She thinks of herself at around that age, her burning certainty that joining Starfleet would solve all of her problems with her mother, make it all not matter, fix the way she didn’t feel like she fitted in. She wonders again if it’s the same for Ezri. She doesn’t talk much about her family or her home, the way a lot of cadets do.

‘You were on the Enterprise D a really long time, weren’t you?’ Ezri asks, as they eat lunch together one day.

Deanna’s been telling her about the work on the E. ‘Quite a long time, yes,’ she says.

Not that far from half of Ezri’s life, although it felt to Deanna as though it rushed by. If someone had told her, back then, that she’d still be with the same people by now and that they’d feel like her family, she’s not sure she would have believed them, but she knows she would have wanted to.

‘I’d love to have an assignment like that someday,’ says Ezri. 

Deanna smiles. ‘Every assignment is special in its own way,’ she says. ‘Not all of them lead to lifelong friendships, but I never had an assignment that didn’t teach me something worth knowing. And half the time I didn’t know what it was until it was over.’

Ezri grins. ‘Yeah, but you’re allowed to have favourites, right?’

Deanna laughs. ‘Yes. You’re definitely allowed to have favourites, and the Enterprise D was mine. But who knows what the future holds? Maybe the Enterprise E will be even better.’

‘Well,’ says Ezri, ‘this is definitely _my_ favourite assignment so far.’

‘I’d hope so, given that it’s your first ever!’ Deanna says, but she smiles. It’s nice to feel as though she’s getting Ezri off to a good start.

* * *

That afternoon, word comes that the salvage operations for the Enterprise D have officially been completed.

The bulletin is formal, a dry reporting of fact. It sits there, looking perfectly innocent amongst her other messages as she checks through them after lunch.

It’s not as if they didn’t know this was coming, Deanna thinks. She’s spent the last several months trying not to think about the salvage teams systematically working their way through the broken ship, tearing her apart for scraps.

That’s not fair. Sometimes the teams stumble across personal items, and they always try to return them to their owners. They don’t have to do that, it’s not part of their job description.

She thinks of their Enterprise, abandoned now, a skeleton half-buried in the soil. 

She thinks of those first few days after the crash. Perhaps she’s had worse weeks, but she can’t think of many. Living in close quarters with a thousand minds is hard enough as it is, but when those thousand minds are all reeling from a terrible trauma, a trauma that she experienced along with them, and yet it’s still her job to help them all cope, it’s… harder. She remembers how she took her pop-up emergency shelter far into the wood at night, away from the tent village they’d set up, to try to sleep away from everyone else’s noisy nightmares. Tried only to be aware of the small animals in the dark, the slow calm of the trees.

Deanna leaves Ezri to keep an eye on things in her office and wanders over to the observation deck above the hangars, where the new Enterprise is looking more and more like a real ship.

Will’s already there, frowning down at it. Leah Brahms is at his side, and Deanna remembers that Leah helped design the Enterprise D, that she knew every corner of it before any of the rest of them set foot on her.

A few others join them - Utopia Planitia staff who worked on the D’s construction, former crew who like her are assigned to Utopia Planitia for now. Beverly and Alyssa arrive a little later, on the transport from Earth. Nobody says anything, they all just look, their eyes on the Enterprise E, their hearts back on Veridian III.

Afterwards by unspoken agreement they head to the bar, and although they were lucky enough that nobody died that day, it’s a little like a wake. There’s laughter, but it feels fragile. They tell stories about the Enterprise like they would about any departed friend, remembering the first time they saw her, their favourite things about her.

An admiring circle forms around Will after a while, and Deanna sits back and watches. He’s always been a natural storyteller and it’s a pleasure to see it. Beverly’s sitting beside him and every now and then she squeezes his hand, or he pats her shoulder. Deanna smiles. Something’s changed for Beverly. She’s not sure what it is but she seems happy.

The evening wears on. People leave in ones and twos, the Utopia Planitia teams earlier than the crew. At last it’s just the three of them - Leah kisses the top of Will’s head and heads back to her quarters, Alyssa and a handful of others disappear to catch the transport to Earth, and the bar gets quiet.

‘Let’s go home?’ Will says.

He offers them an arm each, and Deanna thinks it’s more because he feels vulnerable than because he wants to be chivalrous, but what does it hurt to indulge it? They walk back to her quarters slowly, talking about nothing much.

‘Tonight,’ Deanna says, as they get inside, ‘I think I just want to cuddle.’

Will and Beverly look at her.

‘Are you sure?’ Will asks.

She nods. ‘I think I’m coming out of the first stage. It’ll probably still take a few months to get completely back to normal, but the hardest part is over. But… don’t let me stop either of you if…’

‘No, that sounds nice,’ Beverly says, and Will nods. 

They putter about, getting into nightwear, fetching glasses of water. They get into bed, Deanna in the middle.

‘Leah said something the other day,’ says Will. ‘And I’ve been thinking about it ever since. She asked if I’d considered moving on to my own command. And she said if the captain doesn’t come back, they’d probably offer me the new Enterprise.’

‘And what did you say?’ Beverly asks.

‘I didn’t know what to say,’ Will says, raking his fingers through his hair. ‘It didn’t even cross my mind until she said it. Is that weird?’

‘Not weird,’ says Deanna. ‘The captain is our family. I don’t think any of us could imagine leaving him so soon after everything that happened.’

Will nods. ‘Someday, maybe,’ he says. ‘But not now.’

Deanna smiles. Ten, fifteen years ago, maybe Will would have been embarrassed to have his protective instinct toward his captain pointed out, to have people think that he might choose love over ambition. 

But they’re all getting older, all still changing.

She falls asleep with her arm around Will, and Beverly’s arm around her.

* * *

The message comes through to Beverly’s terminal as she gets ready for work. It’s short, matter-of-fact. If she didn’t know its sender so well, she might have called it curt, but she does know him.

She looks at it for a few minutes, her eyes filling with tears. Then she gets up and heads into the living room, where Deanna is eating breakfast and Will is annoying Deanna by attempting to steal her breakfast.

‘Beverly..?’ says Deanna.

‘It’s Jean-Luc,’ says Beverly. ‘He’s coming back.’

And when they’ve exclaimed and hugged and smiled and laughed, Beverly thinks about how this will change the shape of things again. Just as she’s getting comfortable with the way things are between her and Deanna and Will, here’s something else that tilts the world on its axis.

But it’s all right. She’ll hold on to what matters, and everything will be all right.


End file.
